Simple Female Translator
Through some weird evolutionary mutation, women are able to say
one thing and mean something totally different. To help with this
problem, we’ve devised this simple female translator. It’ll
help you figure out the true meaning of what our friends with ovaries
are saying. And while we could’ve devoted an entire site to
this issue, we’ve pared down the list to 3 common phrases*
that are seemingly innocent, but in reality are landmines waiting
to explode.
*We didn’t include “Does this make me look fat” because
if you don’t know how to deal with this one by now, give us
a call and we’ll come over and hit you on the head with a tack
hammer.
Simple Female Translator
When She’s Looking Like Something’s Wrong:
What is said: “Nothing’s wrong. Don’t worry about
it.”
What is meant: “Everything’s wrong. And you would know
everything’s wrong if you weren’t so damned unobservant.
And somehow, even if you weren’t remotely involved, it’s
still
your fault. Jackass.”
Simple Female Translator
When She’s Going Shopping:
What is said: “I’m going to pick up a few things from
the store.”
What is meant: “I’m going to disappear for oh, about
6 – 8 hours. During that time I plan on buying 20 pieces of
clothing, all of which will be returned after I try them on at home.
And when I do, you’re coming with me.”
Simple Female Translator
When You’re Out at the Bar:
What is said: “She’s really pretty. Don’t you
think so?”
What is meant: “See that girl over there? She’s a tramp.
So I just wanted to see if you find tramps attractive. You probably
do. You probably want to sleep with her don’t you?!”
