What to Drink

It used to be drinking involved beer, and only beer. Whether it was in a can, cup or bottle. But now that you’ve progressed in life a bit, things ain’t so simple. Different situations call for different ways to punish your liver. And if you don’t know what to order, people will start pointing at you and laughing uncontrollably. (Behind your back of course.) But if you stick to these simple guidelines, you’ll be sippin’ away like a pro.

What to Drink

First Date:

If you’re meeting just for drinks, tailor your choice to the establishment. At a regular bar, go for a cold one, preferably domestic. It’ll show you know how to kick back and relax. Bonus if she reaches for one too. If you’re at a more upscale joint, order a cocktail. Though you could order a beer again and show her how unpretentious you are. (Or that you’re cheap.)

If you’re going out to dinner, go for the vino. If you don’t know what to request, excuse yourself after you’ve been seated, then go ask the bartender what’s good. When it’s time to order, you’ll look like the genius you aren’t.

What to Drink

Drinks With the Boss:

Two options*:

A. Beer – Either a small domestic brew, or something imported. But nothing too fancy or else you’ll come off like a snob.

B. Liquor – The safest bet is something brown, on the rocks. And if you need a mixer, use some good ole’ fashioned H2O. It’s all you’ll need.

*You can also order whatever the boss is having. But be warned, do this and you may come off as an obsequious lackey with no fortitude. (That’s English for spineless kiss-ass.)

What to Drink

At the Bar With Friends:

In this environment, we’ll let you make the call. For you see, it’s really not about what you order. Though keep in mind appearances still matter. No, in this situation, it’s more about what it takes* to make her look good. Please refer to the convenient diagram on the right to see what we mean.

*This in no way is an endorsement for overdoing the sauce. Besides, you’ll look so good after using our products you won’t even need to lower your standards.